On a current night in London, a pub was stuffed with a massive group of men. But they weren’t soccer followers or quiz groups, somewhat fathers holding hairbrushes and model heads.
More than 30 of them had gathered in an upstairs room at the Lucky Saint pub in Marylebone, central London, concentrating as they discovered tips on how to braid.
Video clips from the night, which present dads hunched over collectible figurines, fastidiously sectioning hair, have now racked up greater than 9 million views, with audiences throughout the world calling it all the pieces from ‘healing’ to ‘a room full of green flags‘.
The event is called Pints & Ponytails, hosted by Mathew Lewis-Carter and Lawrence Price, the men behind The Secret Life of Dads podcast, and it is being dubbed ‘the perfect antidote to the manosphere‘.
Guided by professional stylists from Braid Maidens, the men worked through everything from basic ponytails to more advanced braids, alcohol-free beers in hand and mannequin heads lined up across the tables. Many had never attempted anything like it before.
But the idea itself is simple, helping dads learn a small, everyday skill that can mean a lot to their daughters.
The idea comes from best friends Mat and Lawrence, two personal trainers who met on ‘a sweaty gym floor‘.
When we speak over video call, Mat and Lawrence are mid-preparation for their next event, waiting for the arrival of 35 new mannequin heads.
Video clips from the evening, which show dads hunched over figurines, carefully sectioning hair, have now racked up more than nine million views
‘We used to do these brutal fitness competitions,’ they tell me. ‘Loads of men, horrible workouts, and then it became a real social thing.’ That friendship shortly turned one thing deeper.
Today, Lawrence is godfather to Mathew’s daughter and even officiated at his wedding ceremony. But it was fatherhood that modified the course of all the pieces.
Both men are open about the reality they struggled in the early days. ‘Nothing really prepares you for it,’ Lawrence says. ‘There’s this push and pull between desirous to be current at residence and feeling such as you’ve received to exit and present.’
It was these conversations that sparked their podcast, Secret Life of Dads, for which they’ve spent the previous two years chatting with specialists, from neuroscientists to psychologists, attempting to unpack the realities of recent fatherhood.
‘There was a plethora of content for mums,’ Mat mentioned. ‘But very little for dads.’
The now-viral occasion started as a half-severe suggestion.
‘I mentioned to Lawrence, “I’ve got this crazy idea, let’s get a group of dads together in a pub with mannequins”,’ Mathew mentioned. ‘We can have a few beers and learn to braid.’
The occasion bought out in beneath 50 minutes. And the ready listing for one more was booming.
By the time the viral evening rolled round, 35 fathers had turned up, a lot of them strangers, strolling into what Lawrence describes as ‘a bizarre room mannequin heads everywhere, beers on the table’.
‘It takes real courage to turn up to something like that on your own,’ they add.
On the floor Pints & Ponytails is playful, however converse to the men behind it and the intention is evident. ‘This is the complete antithesis to the manosphere,’ Mat says.
At a time when on-line areas are more and more dominated by performative variations of masculinity, one thing introduced sharply into focus by the consideration of Louis Theroux’s Netflix documentary on the topic, this appears like a totally different path totally.
‘We didn’t imply this to occur at the similar time,’ Mat says. ‘You’ve got dads showing up who want to learn a new skill to deepen connections with their daughters and if you get five extra minutes with your girl, not saying every day, but throughout their lifetime, as they’re growing up, it can have a profound effect on them and the person they become.
The friends met at a gym and hosted a podcast before coming up with their new venture
‘So there’s an enormous amount of responsibility for dads. There’s this notion of toxic masculinity thrown about, and men get a bad rep, but there was a group of men in this room who were so far from that toxic masculinity labelling, and it was just really refreshing.’
Between sections of hair and makes an attempt at plaits, conversations opened up.
Mat and Lawrence tell me the dads spoke about struggles, pressures, issues they hadn’t felt capable of share elsewhere.
Part of it, they consider, is the set-up. Research suggests men usually talk higher facet by facet, targeted on a activity, somewhat than sitting head to head. Add in the acquainted setting of a pub.
‘There’s no judgment,’ they say. ‘No one knows your backstory. You’re all simply dads.’
At the finish of one session, they requested attendees to jot down their greatest takeaway on Post-it notes.
One learn: ‘My daughter said my hands are too big to do her hair. Tomorrow I’ll present her what I’ve discovered.’
They pause when recalling it to me. Lawrence mentioned: ‘I looked through the Post-it notes the next day, and there were just tears streaming down my face.’
Lawrence, who has a 9-yr-previous daughter and a six-yr-previous son, and Mathew, whose daughter is 4, are conscious about the accountability that comes with what they’ve created.
Because what’s occurring now goes past one pub in London. Their inboxes are flooded with messages, from dads throughout the UK and past, asking how they can attend, or host their very own model.
‘There’s one thing occurring on the different facet of the manosphere,’ Mat mentioned. ‘Men who want to be vulnerable, who want to connect.’
And but, they’re cautious to not body it as a direct response.
‘We’re not going to be dictated by that,’ they clarify. ‘We’re simply going to maintain doing what feels pure to us.
‘It just seems such a shame that men are living inside that prison when there’s a lot extra exterior of this. In that documentary there may be a recurring theme of a lack of father figures.
‘And then that also puts a massive responsibility on dads and I hope it does wake some dads up.’
For each men, fatherhood has been transformative, not simply in how they mum or dad, however in how they see themselves.
‘I went through so much of my life thinking I was a pretty good person,’ Mat says. ‘And then parenthood holds a mirror up to you. It shows you the work you still need to do.’
‘It’s onerous,’ Lawrence provides. ‘It’s difficult. But it’s additionally a lovely journey.’
Mat and Lawrence need to present an antidote to the poisonous masculinity highlighted in Louis Theroux’s Inside the Manosphere documentary
They describe how, over the previous two years, via the podcast and via occasions, they’ve modified.
‘We’re not the similar men. Not the similar dads,’ they say. ‘We’ve been on a actual journey.’
And that journey, they consider, begins with one thing easy: being prepared to open up and speak to one one other.
‘Once you have the bravery to do that,’ Lawrence says, ‘it’s unimaginable what occurs.’
Plans are already in movement to take Pints & Ponytails past London, with the pair exploring tips on how to replicate the similar ambiance with out shedding what makes it particular.
There’s additionally speak of making a framework for others to host their very own occasions, making certain that as the concept spreads, the core values stay intact.
‘We feel a responsibility now,’ they admit. ‘But also an opportunity.’
It can be straightforward to dismiss Pints & Ponytails as simply one other viral pattern. But chatting with the folks behind it, and it turns into clear this is one thing extra.
‘We just hope with what we’re doing we are able to honour our daughters. We need men to open up, have deeper conversations and make the world a barely higher place.’
